that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
