you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
