My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
