Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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