It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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