I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
