She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
