my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
