make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
