Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
