I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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