Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
