I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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