is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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