I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This baby is an asshole
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
