do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
