the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize