My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
