it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
