Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
