i need an iv and a liver transplant
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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