Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
smell my finger.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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