The maid of honor just puked.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
