I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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