You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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