I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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