normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I stole a fireplace last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
