YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize