Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
