im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
