At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize