I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize