sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
