Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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