i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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