omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
ttyl tear gas
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show youâ€
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
