I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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