A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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