you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize