Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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