I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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