no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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