He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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