I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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