Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
