I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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