You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
