piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
