The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
