At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize