there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize