I am puke
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
