She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
