You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
