so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
