i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
