he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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