All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
