ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
