I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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