I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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