My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
