Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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