dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
